The Weight of Being "The Strong One"

This week I was able to attend the Ella Baker workshop with Kelli Williams where she talked about The Weight of Being “The Strong One”. I honestly learned a lot more than I thought I would and it was not at all what I thought the talk would be about. When thinking of the title, I assumed she would talk about being the strong person in a group, but I did not anticipate the depth Kelli would go into. During the session we talked about a few different reasons as to why the weight strong friend can be so heavy. We talked about how being the strong friend for everyone else while not maintaining yourself can lead to things like burnout, isolation, compassion fatigue, decision exhaustion, and even emotional suppression. After talking about these issues, we then talked about how things such as clear and strict boundaries, delegation, and resting without feeling guilty are all ways we can help ourselves help those around us. 

 

Something that stuck with me was a quote from Kelli saying, “It is okay to feel how you feel”. This is something that often slips my mind as I try to be the strong person for those around me to fall back on. More often than not I put everyone else’s needs above my own and add their stress to my own. This is something I have been trying to work on and change because I stress myself out too much with everyone else’s problems that I don’t think about the stress I cause myself. When thinking back to the quote, I am learning to give myself more grace and to let myself feel my emotions rather than pushing them down and ignoring them until it causes a bigger burden on myself.

 

As someone who has a hard time setting boundaries when it comes to my friends and family, this talk really helped me understand that if I don’t prioritize myself and my boundaries, I won’t be able to be a good support system. I think more people need to understand that it is okay to tell those around you when you need a break. Understanding that by communicating with someone when you need a break, you could be helping them more rather than listening to their problems and neglecting your own needs.